pizzamain's Profile

we live in a world where celebrities continue to invade every facet of our lives for cheap pops

congratulations, children

it's like it's every writer's job to think if they can come up with the absolute worst dialogue. "with my new bff lois lane... it's fuckin' prime time, baby" jesus christ

all art is advertising now

a missing statue not really the cliffhanger Adams was hoping for but otherwise the first coherent issue since issue 1

what if - hear me out - we just mish mashed everyone's powers randomly and had a montage of them fighting and sold that as a novel idea?? If any normie had pitched this series as an idea they would have been laughed out of the room for it being such a half-baked fantasy booking.

okay maybe we are finally getting somewhere and getting away from the dorkiest of villains of all-time

if you are wondering why everyone thinks aquaman is an idiot this is a pretty good place to start

man this is a real who fucking cares issue that resolves with aqualad saying "yippee this is fun" when moving a skyscraper with a giant robot

aquaman looks like a fucking loser in this one i gotta say

why do so many people hate aquaman :(

wh-why that's a hesperornis-- a waterfowl that existed about 75 million years ago! about face turtles! there's no time to lose! shocking turn to see how horny mera gets at the end.

oh cool a dog dying to help a protagonist level up. great. super creative

much better

if there's one thing comic book readers love it's seeing a terrorist hit a dog repeatedly

WHAT THE FUCK

don't need a bidet with that hand now

probably should take it easy the next week after this one

soooo where is aquaman??

s/o to the mermaids wearing polos

not really sure what happened but i liked the hippos

"take your stinky fish and get out of my kingdom" lol nice one

fastforward to 2025 and aquaman kicks his ass in KO. 2-0 not even close

ohhh so THAT'S how they met

please god someone kill aqualad

ya idk abotu this one henry boltinoff

okay how about we just leave aqualad behind for good now

imagine being high and reading this good god

the fish in the iron mask is what they called me in high school

sounds like aquaman and syx did NOT meet again

should be put in the library of congress

okay elmer

more effort went into this than 90% of what DC puts out

I WILL FIND HIM

ah, propping up one of the most iconic stories in all of comic books for a fun one-off "what if" b-side storyline. wonderful.

as if anyone was upset the demon lost lol

great

the fever dream continues

i like how massey went out of his way to not only kill every protagonist but also toto. like i always say, killing the dog is the true sign of someone's creativity

"hey dolphin girl of my wet dreams" arrest peter david

i skipped all the pannels that didn't have aquaman in it and somehow still saw some swim in the nude yet again

okay find of fun

"i wanted to help you find your headspace to continue on in the bracket" whoever wrote that line should be arrested

FUCK AI

if the goal was to make ww look like a huge dumbass then they have succeeded

what is happening

an issue with him acknowledging his adult daughter for more than one panel would go a looooong way

"your little shunt somehow COMBINED our POWERS!" yeah that about sums it up

i feel like a 12 year old is playing with their action figures and telling me about some mish mash storyline they are making up in the moment with zero forethought.

bart is a name exclusively for bart simpson i'm sorry

aside that how we got here makes zero sense, this was kind of fun

woodrow wilson was a terrible president

thank you joanne starer

doesn't take much for some people i guess

i don't think the science behind this adds up

not sure wtf i just read but i'm interested

idk who that blonde guy is on the left of the cover but it looks like the artist drew his face too small for his giant head lol

this issue would be so much better if it wasn't having to deal with the massive doggie dookie of the first nine issues at the same time.

last time we saw nemo his ship was completely destroyed and now it's totally fine lol. it's like every lame ass comicbook crutch is inentionally being used here. random power jumps... corrupting superman to be scary and then casually resetting him... mysterious power source leading protagonist... "killing" a love interest that we know is going to come back... batman wanting to run some tests...

Could have stretched this issue out to 2 or 3 to have a coherent storyline that doesn't result in in the ending of men in black 1. so lame to just power up AQ whenever you need to progress the storyline. Nice art tho

this is the most half-assed gathering of a team of c-listers i've ever read and goddamn can they use mera in any other way besides a crutch for progressing this story that can be boiled down to "watch arthur endlessly get the run around"

"we'll never outrun it!" "we don't have to outrun it, we have to outswim it!" *next pannel* "boy i sure am sore!" some of the worst dialogue i have read in any comic ever. also would have been nice if they had invested more time into the original characters of the gods and not lame ass nemo. like they genuinely made some wildly interested characters and settled for using them as a prop to continue to let nemo toot around in his tiny because arthur is unable to follow google maps, apparently.

a really good sign that someone doesn't know when they're doing when their idea to progress a story is to introduce captain nemo. maybe we can get captain jack sparrow or sharktale next issue at least they are using mera as more than a damsel in distress and haven't just copy-and-pasted her iconic ability over to arthur

"omg it's a movie monster" yeah don't remind us lol

great art but wow what a lame ass story

more talking dolphin plz

look if you can't trust people that are asking for your blood then who can you trust

don't worry readers, in case you can't follow the story the bad guy will just take time out of his day to explain all the moving pieces, thus removing all mystery and intrigue! fortunately we get to see superman and a mermaid hook up

aquaman now slinging mud. great. awesome idea.

okay can we drop the whole "he doesn't order them around he just ASKS them". Either AQ is some manipulative asshole always "asking" for help during life in danger moments or he is their sea boss and it's not a big deal!!!!

let's be real this team is lame and not helping aquaman's street cred

goes on for sooo long

forgot how much a dolt aqualad was

every night when scott goes to sleep he prays to god that jean continues to ignore how lame ass he is

excuse me for asking but why is magneto dead, how did he die, and why do they need him back? also if he destroyed his cerebro backup, why is he being brought back? you would think they would answer these questions in the first issue.

ironic that the storyline averts a potential nuclear war by promising a better future while also taking every interesting character and making them so dull that you don't care what happens next to them.

i think there's this odd assumption that people want to know EVERY thought you've wanted to put into a comic book

fuck mars

that was very sad

no one needs to write a comic book on what it's like being in your 40s

what a cool character

rip off of the dark knight movie

ayy wtf were you people into in the 80s

why are batman and robin's hair blue

AQUAMAN IS BACK BABY and also he has mera's ONE power which is fucking lame. Also there are way too many fucking storylines of aquaman losing shit. Like atlantis has already been lost before, that's why it's at the bottom of the ocean. How about aquaman doesn't lose anything and we just get to explore atlantis? s/o to those whales helping people get off the plane

someone is naked in every issue apparently lol

idk if you are insane aquaman but i now think peter david is

yeah i'm definitely here to read about aquaman sucking on dolphins' teets

this is lame

aquaman is angry!

magneto is gay now?

even for batman's standard's some of his lines are painful

why does everyone look like they're from minecraft

oshawa never existed annnnd... neither is the second issue as far as I'm concerned

really one is too many quisps

wtf is going on

what happened to the stunned whale laying out of water

never mind! i've got a loaded machine gun standin' by! please use it to put me out of my misery

Huh?? Aquaman used a chain of eels as a lasso! and they say this is the silver age of comics

topo is a national treasure let him be the goddamn star

an amazing cover for an amazing story

ouch! that floating piece of wood hurt me good god

thank god aquaman can control fish because otherwise he'd be killed in every issue. completely useless

give the damn whales some names

okay how about uh huh we create these badass fire trolls uh huh and make 'em real mean and scary uh huh you'll want to see and know more about them uh huh and then just completely removed them from the second chapter in favor of aquaman/lad being tiny ....

this is the loser age of comics

nothing matters

poseidon take me now

didn't read the batman comic but man that looked fuckin dumb aqualad quit saying "suffering seashells"

and we never saw him ever again, I'm sure

aquaman there is giant hole in that ship i think it qualifies as "badly damaged"

had promise there for a bit with the alien drama until it went into an endless action sequence

i'm sure aquaman is paying those octopus a living wage

"Hurry! Get the gold out of here! Place them on turtles, notoriously fast creatures!"

about time for aquadlad to die imo

considered a 10/10 for topo sharpening the swordfish's nose lol

once again we get aquaman's backstory

"prehistoric sea-centipede" is what they called me in high school

can we not come up with something more creative by this point

thinking how cool it must be for a kid to get away from school... only to read about another kid going to school.

aquaman, you are an idiot

goddamn i love these fish friends

wtf is even going on anymore

aquaman this is embarrassing

"keep stroking, aquaman" ok ease up aqualad

i'd rather you guys give names to the whales than this goon

"er thanks aquaman but i have no room for whales" lol

no you should still aqualad so i don't have to read about him anymore

okay normally i skip the superman part bc who gives a shit but that was actually a great doggie issue idk about the hoop and stick shit tho

Look! I'm putting my head into a shark's mouth! Doesn't that prove I can control the creatures of the sea? Nope!

so topo can be out of water without a helmet but Aquaman can't? got it.

Topo you fucking rule

jesus christ aquaman do you not have anything else to do

four issues in and aquaman is now a police officer wtf

maybe a super hero interfering with another country's election isn't the best use of time, aquaman

"This is probably the first tooth ever extracted by the claws of a lobster!" you're goddamn right it is aquaman

why they moved aquaman away from being friends with the fishes is beyond me this is fucking awesome

aquaman is god

idk why some writers are like "no he doesn't talk to fish that's lame" uh actually talking to any animal is badass fyi

jesus christ aquaman are you 12 get a grip get to see Aquaman naked again this issue

includes a cool story about how tom and atlanna banged without saying a single word to one another.

issue ends with a "pen is mighter than the swordfish" q/a lol

aquaman nude on the first page LFG

too much testosterone for me

can't wait to figure out what other 9 random issues i need to read to track this story

some of the worst dialogue i have ever read to completely undermine an otherwise interesting series of moments

ok we get it thanos

oh dad zod

i'm sorry, i was looking for the human comics..?

yeah why DID she jump to the sea to set off a bomb. really effed up if you think about it

"An ape... GOD?" lol stfu

ben grimm gotta be the dumbest guy in the marvel universe

a man's identity is wrapped up in being punctual. great

what the FUCK

wtf was that hug he gave his mom

nightcrawler bang me please

why is this a comic book

bad dad is actually sad dad

awww : ) don't care

do i care about this? no

OH SHIT

wtf is this romcom bullshit

no no please do not tell us about thomas and Martha wayne anymore

wait is this a true story or not

if superboy is fast enough to jump in front of a bullet why would he not also idk like take the gun or punch the guy or do literally anything else more helpful "you are not my father" "neither are you" lol amazing dialogue

did my dad write this?

i just skipped to the aquaman part

oh my god something at the start happened again at the end but from a different angle wow

eeeeeeeeee!

about as good as an ending one can hope for

it's really cool that you have to read 21 other runs to know what one story is doing

all cops are bacteria

why did she not put her hands down to protect her fall

fuck birds

too many sons

very colorful

what is this jim and pam energy they're spending so much time on

once again the x men talk and nothing happens

DC really running out of ideas

some of the dialogue is embarrassing but I'm the one still reading this so i guess the joke's on me

"i am an older woman, much closer to the end than you are. perhaps i have the wisdom to help" - written by someone who has never talked to someone older than 40.

aw sad superboy sad that no one will join his sad club :(

stupidly jumps around in time, even more annoying when they fuck up the math

x-men comics can never not be so dense

bit of a gap in what villains atlantis is facing vs everyone else lol

someone's name is will williams in this that's all you need to know

literally a direct rip off of adventure time???

dude just playing angry birds on his iPad as he's getting sucked up into one of the dozen movies that have gone over this storyline

it's impressive how something this creative can also be so ordinary

long-winded and idgaf about anyone but I'm sticking around so i will give it that credit

feels like a bill and ted spinoff

idk what's happening but I'm pretty sure it's lame

dude was a wagon lol

why am i supposed to care

for some reason they've put so much focus on the dialogue despite it being painfully bad. it genuinely would be more interesting to read if the air bubbles were empty

i feel like we are back to the first couple issues for no good reason at all other than the word "masks" has appeared multiple times, despite bruce wearing earlier??

a fifth grader has taken over the dialogue responsibilities, apparently

sometimes it is fun to joke about a preposterous "what if" idea that you would no way put actual resources behind but you could shoot the shit with some friends by just refreshing the idea with another layer of "oh oh and what if...???" this isn't even that.

well they killed aquaman in the first issue so what even is the point of reading any more

a good way to trick people into thinking you are smart is to tell things out of order

maybe the most edgelord-y cover I've ever seen

don't care about shrek's dad that much

can't they all just be friends

this is so lame

"it's not, bro" // someone was paid to write that

everyone is 15 years old

i used to be the king of gotham :(

hard to not see this dude as the joker just shaded out

so boring it was sad

so annoying

you've got the coolest group of people ever and you just have them talk for like 30 pages. great.

Jackson is beyond emotionally stunted and god this dialogue is so bad

slumber? i hardly know her

kind of ridiculous but okay sure i'm in

literally nothing happens

oooo everything is jumbled and non-sequential! it must be smart then!

this is batman beyond

ummm okay yeah

orm and jackson need to grow up fucking hell

imagine just casually resting in your grave and then some jackass wakes you up

probably the dumbest last pannel to any comic I have ever read. jackson yells too much.

not how prison works

oh. my. god.

gross

literally nothing happening

painful dialogue

a lot of talking to basically say one thing lol

idk what's going on but i'm in

would have been cool if it had been condensed to like 6 pages.

this is all v confusing

WTF

the windy city!

yeah fuck you croc

love how this dude gets traumatized from the phantom zone then goes right back to work. too real

boooooring

everyone is so old, fuck

awesome tidbit on someone getting put into jail for life. no big thing blah blah blah. definitely nothing anyone would care about IRL. anyways here's a neat way to close this story right??

ohhh i get it. it's like batman

not a big fan of the fairy odd parents-style art but cool story

feels like my parents wrote this

friends : )

idk what's going on

the most interesting thing is the evil robin and we get like 3 pages of her every issue wtf

patiently waiting for anything to happen

surprisingly boring

lots of yelling

I'm the only person in the world that has read this

i didn't read the issues leading up to this and let me tell you I understood nothing

oh they're both blonde and wear green. i get it

how can you drink coffee underwater

ah the ol' pinwheel strat

wow merlin is kind of a dick

less humans more animals lets go

this is all so ridiculous and i can't stop reading it